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Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.
Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it already.
I`m just here until I can make day drinking a full time job
I don`t like thinking before I say something. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth
Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax, We get it you`re unoriginal and watch SOA ... Hold on my daughter Grey`s Anatomy is crying.
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose beer.
Just found out the government won`t hire you past age 37. Scratch Navy SEAL off my to do list
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
It`s the weekend!!! I haven`t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.
"Please take a seat" was a bad introduction for a Kleptomaniacs` Anonymous meeting.
I have always wanted to start a brand of Christian themed lollipops and call them Catho-licks.
Cocaine dealers are always trying to stick their business in other people`s noses.
Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
The reason I don`t play Scrabble online, is that I can`t throw the tiles at the person who beats me.