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I’m beginning to believe that successful relationships come down to Netflix compatibility.
I’m not drunk, I’m just exhausted from drinking all night.
Do people who run know that we’re not food anymore.
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
It`s Friday! High-five some sh!t!
Lazy fact #128540162, You were too lazy to read that number.
That moment when you pour yourself a bowl of cereal and discover there`s no milk. So you just sit there, wondering why bad things happen to good people?
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.
What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..
Cops don’t like it when you ask them “Need some help?” especially when you’re wearing a Batman costume.
At least a stalker is there for you.
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.