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"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
Never trust a person with only one Facebook photo of themselves.
People say love is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is better.
just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream
Unless its inappropriately, don`t f*cking touch me.
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
Just sneezed 8 times in a row and saw the entrance to Narnia for a split second.
I will pay good money to anyone who can take me from work, make it look like an abduction and tuck me back into bed.
Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won`t understand how many calories are in it.
I hate waiting until I`m dead. I want to haunt people now dammit.
Okay I`m going to workout. Should I post about it now or after I`m done?
take it easy and if it is easy take it home
I’m positive that somewhere out there exists a video montage of me dancing alone in various elevators.
Yo fellas, how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?