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One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
I`m not feeling myself today ... would you do it for me?
Procrastination comes to those who wait.
I’m eating just in case I get hungry later
Am I supposed to bring condoms to a speed dating event? How fast do these things actually go?
don`t kiss the monitor, just ask me nicely..
At the end of the day, life should ask us, Do you want to save the changes?
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn`t know how to follow directions."
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!
Firemen, Astronauts, and Doctors are the only people who actually followed through on what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Sometimes, I question my sanity ... Sometimes, it replies
Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
There`s nothing like the laughter of a baby....unless you`re home alone at 1 am...and you don`t have children...
Let’s have a moment of silence for all these guys that tried to walk across power lines but fell because someone tied their shoes together.
Yesterday I saw something that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it!