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Any question is a hard hitting question when it`s written on a brick and thrown full force at your face.
I tried to log in on my ipad. Turns out it was an Etch-a-Sketch and I don`t own an ipad. Also, I`m out of vodka.
I only drink alcohol because there aren`t enough ways to eat it.
When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you`re signing a cast.
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
thinking men should come with a carfax....
(Apocalyptic world) "Well guys......there goes our last female"
WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You`re an adult" every few minutes.
I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn`t work here.
Sorry I missed your call. I took too long to answer because I was dancing to the ringtone.
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
What idiot called him Alexander Graham Bell instead of Lord of the Rings
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.