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Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
There aren`t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep.
I think my guardian angel drinks.
Relax, we`re all crazy. It`s not a competition.
No PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on Facebook.
If one of Santa`s helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
No one can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it ;)
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I’m always ready for bed
my imaginary friend thinks ur crazy? an shes hot!
I`m astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..
So who the heck ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
Some people live life in the fast lane. You’re in oncoming traffic.
A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.