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I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
I was disappointed to learn that the Discovery Channel’s program “Deadliest Catch” wasn’t about first marriages.
If life Sucks, what makes you think death doesn`t Blow??
I have my own version of Whole Foods, where I eat the Whole Pizza, Whole Box of Donuts, Whole Bag of Chips...
It`s possible you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
Life is like a box of chocolates and you`re on a diet so you can`t even enjoy it.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because I`m still looking for ideas.
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
It turns out that 3 is the amount of times you can suck on your dentist`s finger before she stops believing that you`re doing it accidentally.
The only thing us men clean at home is our browser history
Do angry people know about naps?
Buy a "World`s Greatest Boss" mug and drink out of it in front of your boss.
There is no such thing as something looking "Too good to eat"
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...