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So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.
Always look out for #1. Don´t step in #2 either.
I don’t understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I’d stay at home with the wife.
Mission Impossible: Ordering something at Subway without saying, "ummmm".
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
I was called a village idiot today which really upset me ... I live in a city.
It`s just adorable how the Liquor Store cashier always wishes me a good week as if I won`t be back tomorrow.
Knock knock Who`s there? Control Freak. Now you say "Control Freak who?"
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
I`m not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.
I want you to know that whatever problems you`re having, I`m here to read about it on Facebook
Nothing says “friend zone” quite like a woman saying “you’re like a brother to me.” Unless you’re from Alabama.
FYI: Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long, if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.
When ever I think about the past...It brings back so many memories