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What a rip-off. I picked up a book called 101 Mating Positions. It turned out to be a book on chess.
And then her mood ring just...exploded
Any question is a hard hitting question when it`s written on a brick and thrown full force at your face.
Haters gonna hate, your honor
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."
Everything I know about women, I learned from the Wizard of Oz. For example: If a woman sees a pair of shoes she wants, she`ll drop a house on the bitch to get them.
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
I`ll see your fun outdoor activity and raise you a nap.
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
I hate when I accidentally eat everything in sight.
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook status updates; it just makes me not care what you think of them…
Chip clips are for quitters.