Daily Silly Status

can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.

Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.

My whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the sarcastic comment.

I used to wonder what it was like to read people’s minds. Then I got a Facebook account and I got over it.

I feel like there should be more breakfast beers on the market.

Childhood is like being drunk: Everyone remembers what you did except you.

Thanks coffee for tricking us into believing that it`s a good morning for a few minutes.

You`re the one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don`t look at me weird for shouting "10 points for gryffindor" when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this. -Bfanch

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

I like to say "Do I smell popcorn?" right after I fart ..that way everyone quickly takes a deep breathe.

I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.

People who cook Hot Pockets in the oven, Where are you getting all this free time?

Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn’t have borrowed all that money.

Our parents did the same sh!t too, they`re just liars.

Whenever I receive a text saying bahaha, I like to believe you are a sheep on drugs.