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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
If today drags anymore, it`s going to come out of the closet in a sexy little dress
You know it`s a good night when you wake up with gum in your bellybutton.
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
I`ll bet other dogs must think that poodles belong to some weird religious cult.
WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
Raise the bar..? Like go and drink upstairs..?
You never hear skinny people saying, "I`m just small boned."
My New Year`s Resolution is to stop making late decisions.
My day at work wasn`t easy, I just made it look that way!
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I`m keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Happy New Year you guys.
The problem with today`s children is that today`s parents are idiots.
I don`t always do a lot, but I put a lot of thought into it.