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Jesus is coming.... look busy
The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
You poor thing. You don`t even realize you`re batsh!t crazy, do you?
I did absolutely nothing today and did it well!!!
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
This is the third time someone in Liam Neeson`s family has been abducted, they really need to stop leaving the house.
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.
If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you’re probably holding the taser wrong.
Flight 370, proven harder to find then the G spot :-/
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
Babies are really cute until you meet one that`s not a picture.