Daily Silly Status

My top 5 exercises: -Jumping to conclusions -Flying off the handle -Carrying things too far -Dodging responsibilities -Pushing my luck

So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?

Here`s a thought: Let`s let the illegal Mexicans stay and send the whining crybabies to Mexico. At least the illegal Mexicans are willing to work.

Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?

I’m at the doctor’s office & they don’t know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I’ll wait for the Dr, these other patients are clueless.

Do you ever wonder how many people’s dreams you have been in?

Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.

Messing up a guy’s hair = cute. Messing up a girl’s hair = putting your life on the line.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.

Next time a guy says he wants to fight you, just say "not in that outfit!" and roller skate away

I don`t know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.

A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.

When I was a kid, I thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it really is.

Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.