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I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
If anyone every texts me "who is this" I always respond "Jake from State Farm"
I finally figured out why men love belly rings so much on their women. It reminds them of the staple in the middle of their porn magazines!
A gentle reminder about Daylight Savings Time: If you thought last Monday sucked, this one will prove to be much, much worse.
My dentist just told me I need a crown..... I know, right??
I could be a morning person if morning happened after 11.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
When you realize that your car matches the one in the Amber Alert.
Why,does facebook want to make the likes one gets on their status like a story,like:peter and 500 others like this,click and see james and 499 others like this............
I`d have better people skills if I worked with better people.
Do these people in movies who wander off into the woods alone at night not watch movies?
I saw my ex girlfriend broken down with two flat tires this morning which made me late for work... Nine times I drove past before she noticed me laughing at her.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
I don`t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.