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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
The brain is like the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That`d be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
Still haven`t answered my life`s calling... I`ve always just assumed it dialed the wrong number.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.
When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
Give a man a fish and chances are you won`t be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS!?!?! ~me, aggressively handing out cake
Hello... Modeling Agency? Ya, my selfie just got 34 likes I think I`m ready to go pro!
Everyone wants their kid to learn to walk until exactly 30 seconds after their kid learns to walk.