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My tombstone will read I should have googled it first.
I only drink alcohol because there aren`t enough ways to eat it.
My New Years Resolution is to be less vain. It`s going to be difficult though, considering how sexy I am.
Perhaps your whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others
AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin ... I don’t even know what that means, but now I’m hungry.
Alcohol is never the answer...unless, of course, you ask what I`ll be doing tonight.
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring. Let it sink in: now laugh
I`ve accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces.........My next poop could spell trouble.
That urge you get to write "No one gives a sh!t" on someone`s status..
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
A cop pulled me over and said ``Papers...`` So I said, ``Scissors, I win!`` and drove off like a boss!