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You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
Light travels faster than sound.. That is why some people appear bright until they speak.
I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying "gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
You had me at "I hate that b!tch too".
Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone`s house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I`m available.
In a new study women with large a$$es live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
why were you in my dreams again? i`m starting to think you`re stalking me.
I start a lot of conversations with "goodbye" in hopes that I trick people into thinking we already talked.
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...
FUN FACT: If you take all of the marshmellows out of a box of Lucky Chrams, you`ll have a bag of Purina Cat Chow