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Why can`t braille just be in the shape of the letters?
We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
You must have been born on a highway. Most accidents take place there.
Sports commentators need to stop saying penetrate
It`s weird how after they couldn`t put Humpty Dumpty back together the King`s men were like "Let`s give the horses a shot at it"
People are always weirded out when I take notes during episodes of Dexter.
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
I`m gonna surprise my hand with some sex tonight!
There are people in life you could NEVER get tired of hitting with a shovel!!!
When a girl says: "If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best"... What she really means is: "I`m a f*ckin psycho."
Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends.
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
The problem with rich people is I`m not one of them.
Like a good neighbor, stay over there
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.