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You cant ask "What do you mean by that?" without sounding pissed off
Never, ever ask a woman if she`s pregnant unless you see an actual baby being born. Even then, act surprised.
Sorry I referred to your baby shower as a gift extortion party.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
You know what’s huge in Japan? ..Sumo wrestlers. ;)
Sö î hèãrd ÿôu lìkê gùÿš with ácçeñts?
Judge me if you will, just keep the verdict to yourself.
People are always weirded out when I take notes during episodes of Dexter.
I wish we could donate body fat to those in need.
Do good masochists go to heaven, or hell?
After a night of heavy drinkin’ there’s one thing I can’t stand… and that’s up.
Co-worker: My wife`s an angel. Me: You`re lucky, mine`s still alive.
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the self-checkout section.
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.