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I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.
so I got really drunk last night, but I was good and took a bus home. the only problem I have now is I dont remember where I put the keys to the bus.
The Hulk just texted me a picture of a zucchini, I think?
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right...
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: ...
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But add me on Facebook and I`ll stalk you (maybe)
If you`ve ever wondered why an animal is stupid enough to run into oncoming traffic on the highway, then you`ve obviously never been married.
Admit it. When you go to the zoo, the first thing you look at is the Camel`s foot.
That mind-blowing moment when you realize chores were really the crap your parents didn’t want to do.
I`m going to invent a cleaning product that kills .1% of all germs and bacteria. It doesn`t sound very effective, but I`m going to get it placed right next to all the other cleaning products that kill 99.9% of all germs and bacteria.
My Facebook weather forecast looks like I can expect 2 or 3 inches of drama tonight followed by a lot of bullsh!t blowing in from all directions in the morning.
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.