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"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
Today`s secret word is "epic". When someone says the secret word scream real loud and punch them in the face.
I heard someone say their podcast was on "hiatus", guess that sounds better than "my mom took away my laptop".
I learned most of what I know about dropping pianos on people from cartoons.
Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
Know why a room full of married people looks so empty? There’s not a Single person in it…
I noticed the toilet roll incorrectly installed in your selfie.
Checking the time on your phone twice because you were`nt paying attention the first time
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
when i was little my dad told me that the icecream man only played music when he ran out of icecream well played dad well played
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it`s health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
I`m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. Does anyone have any new mistakes I can borrow?