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If you`re going to be a d!ck.. At least be a big one.
Falling in love is like watching a sexy person eat hot, crispy bacon and wanting to eat some, too. Marriage is like listening to them chew.
A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
IRS: We`ve got what it takes to take what you`ve got.
It`s only October 3rd and I`ve already beaten the sh!t out of two motion activated skeletons at store entrances.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Two can play that game...` -people who dont understand that`s how games usually work
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
They say you are what you eat. I don`t remember eating a sexy beast this morning...
I really would love to see two mimes arguing
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend will be handcuffed next to you saying that was fun
has a drinking problem...I can`t afford it
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It`s true... The less I see of someone, the more I like them!