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Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
I don`t always drink beer. But when I do, I always lie about not always drinking beer.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.
You are here: X
The hardest part of having multiple kids is explaining why only your first child has a baby book.
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
I think "Don`t Kid Yourself" would be a great brand name for birth control pills....
shoutout to people who have money but still order off the dollar menu
I haven`t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn`t blue.
My New Years Resolution for 2015 is to stop being so impatient.
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
It`s amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.
What`s the point of a highschool reunion? I`ve got Facebook. I already know you got fat.