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It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quit, cause nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, The Darlins, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara. The only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!
If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn`t 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?
So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m
Pretty proud of myself, I got a lot of procrastinating done today
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
My short-term memory is my ONLY problem..... Well, that, and my short-term memory
You think Iām mean? If only you knew what I say in my head.
I liked you better before we met.
Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.
If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
I swear July only lasted like 3 minutes
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
Sometimes, when dealing with people, you can`t help but stop and think, "Yup, I`m about to get my first assault charge."
For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea`s TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...