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Big shoutout to whoever decided the ? and ! should be next to each other on an iPhone. That typo hasn’t made me look insane 10,000 times.
If today drags anymore, it`s going to come out of the closet in a sexy little dress
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
Just saw a guy with a Support Dyslexia bumper sticker on the front of his car.
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
I hate it when I`m singing a song and the artist keeps messing up the words.
I’m convinced that the employees of McDonalds were just customers who could pay and are working off their bills.
Is it just me that finds it disturbing that you can accidentally make a baby but you can`t accidentally make a pizza?
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
I really would love to see two mimes arguing
On the 14th of December I`m going to call people and say "7 Days" then hang up...
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown
Happy birthday you motor boatin SOB! Have a great day
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.