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Don`t ask me for advice, my answer is always get them drunk.
I`m terribly sorry but I have decided not to grow up and act my age after all. So there.
Why is it that everyone you hate has such a better job than you?
Was sitting, doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
I wonder if the clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look! ...that one`s shaped like an idiot!"?
Facebook: an alternative to drunk dialing.
I don`t have a drinking problem, I just celebrate everything! Like the fact that shirts have armholes, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
Thought I saw a kangaroo today but turned out to be a greyhound having a dump !
How many servings of fruit are in a fruit roll up? I`m trying to take my diet seriously now.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.
Apparently “finders keepers” does not include expensive cars in parking lots.