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We`ve all been talking about your paranoia.
“They dared me to” is ALWAYS a valid excuse.
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
Heads up, peeps. There are over 700 fake Obamacare sites ready to swipe your info. Pro tip: The real site is the one that doesn`t work...
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
Say no to drugs! Then again, if you`re talking to drugs, you`re probably already on drugs.
You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”
It`s not hotter this year. It`s just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit.
Is it bad when I’m talking to myself and I’m not even listening?
Wives give sound advice. 99% sound, 1% advice.
I used to think I was good at multi-tasking. Turns out it’s just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.