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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
Turkish ruler Erdogan was at the White House this week. Sources say he arrived very early so he could beat the crowd.
In paintball, you should be allowed to use a paintbrush as a knife.
Wait, there`s a "wrong hole"?
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth`s equator, most of them would drown.
Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
Hope you get down and funky on this the day of your birth!!
From all these shows I`ve watched it seems like snipers lay down a lot of the day....I`d probably be pretty good at that job.
love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
Wow, that Macy`s parade is crazy! The Kanye West float just cut off Snoopy and said Woodstock can fly better!
Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they`re making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first.