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Wisdom is understanding that a tomato is a fruit, but you don`t add it in a fruit salad.
PRINCIPAL: are you the new english teacher? TEACHER: yes i are.
The ‘poke’ button on Facebook should be replaced with a ‘slap’ button.
Wow!!! Thank you guy on Facebook I went to high school with and haven`t spoken to in 14 years, you really changed my mind about this upcoming election....
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
I just watched a puppy do something really cute. It was like a real life YouTube video.
That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
If you can’t love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.
I don`t understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
It`s kind of weird that beams of electricity strike down from the sky and we`re all just okay with it.
Rick Ross be rapping about cars he can`t even fit in.
I`m a very modest person, mostly because I`m awesome.
Next time you`re in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.