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Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I’m sober.
It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a gorilla.
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
There is no "we" in "bacon", so don`t even ask.
The good thing about being tall is, you can`t get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can`t get lost in a crowd.
How to fall down stairs: Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
Whenever there’s an awkward silence, try whispering, “Did you forget your line?”
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
I wish I had my own private chauffeur. . . . Then I could really commit to being an alcoholic!
When it`s raining I don`t work, when its sunny I don`t work, when its cloudy I call in sick!
you can´t drink all day if you don´t start in the morning
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.