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I carved my name in a fruitcake in 1982. If anyone gets it this year, post a pic!
Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
So,do people in England speaks American now that people in America speaks English?
Men use love to get sex...women use sex to get love...I use coupons to get pizza!
´s status message is better than yours
I need an emoticon that’s stabbing another emoticon in the eye with a pen while repeatedly punching it in its little emoticon balls.
Imagine all the amazing places you could take naps if you were Superman.
Just convinced my Mom she won`t get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn`t see Teen Wolf first.
The closest I`ve ever come to eating better is eating butter.
I`m just looking for a reason not to drink
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
The world is full of nice guys who want naughty girls who want bad boys who want nice girls who want nice guys.
If two wrongs don`t make a right, try three.
If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis