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When`s it gonna be the 4th of July? I feel like blowin somethin` up and not gettin` arrested.
During the summer months, be sure to dress for the body you have. Not the body you want.
The only Spanish phrase you need to learn is, "I know you guys are talkin sh*t about me."
FYI: The signs that say "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn`t.
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
Hi, im _____ but you could call me sexy.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butts.
I always walk through my office with a stern look on my face and a toilet plunger to avoid conversations.
Hey guy in the car behind me... Honking your horn isn`t going to help me type any faster.
Started working on my taxes today and learned why the form is called 1040. For every $50 I make, I get $10 and the gov`t gets $40...
Don`t, under any circumstance, believe I`ll return your Tupperware.
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
Divorce... The most common home improvement project.
Can you make garlic bread out of frozen waffles? Asking for someone who wishes they had remembered garlic bread at the store.