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10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
We live in the era of smartphones & stupid people
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
Radio Shack has stayed in business with a name combining something no one buys anymore and a type of building no one wants to go into.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.
Question: : What do you get if you add human DNA to a goat? ... Answer: Kicked out of the petting zoo
You`ve got to love yourself ... Just not in public places
I won $20 by not playing the lottery last night!
I’ve been single so long I deserve a bachelors degree.
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
Proposing to a woman isn`t like choosing a life-long business partner. It`s more like hiring your own boss.
*spits out animal cracker* This doesn`t even taste like hippo.
I successfully cleared a path from the front door to the TV. Now I can watch Hoarders.
Kinda hard to believe not a single mutant at professor Xavier’s school had the power to heal a dude’s legs.
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."