Daily Silly Status

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I would watch NASCAR if hot wheels designed the tracks.

They say that being successful and living well is the best revenge. That may be so, but rubbing your naked ass all over someone`s cell phone when they aren`t looking is pretty good too ?

I don’t understand how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.

You know that 200-foot high expansion bridge you drove over today? Just remember that it was built by the lowest bidder.

We look like we are being productive, but really, we are just talking sh!t about co-workers and how drunk we got last weekend.

Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.

WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!

I`m not necessarily saying that I am or am not a super hero, but I do occasionally stand with my hands on my hips.

I love finding money in my clothes. It’s like a gift to me ... from me.

Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.

I`ve spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can`t find his nuggets.

I`m hungry, but I`m not `cook something` hungry.

Filling out a job application. Under "Military Experience" I put that I once went commando for 4 days in a row.