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Haters are my motivators(:
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
Still waiting for the day I can illegally download groceries
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
There really should be awards for getting out of bed.
After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
Never compliment a woman on her sideburns ... no matter how magnificent they look.
Free snow at my house. Shovel all you want!
Saw a bird sh*t on my car, so I ate scrambled eggs on my front step, just to show him what I`m capable of.
Understanding women number 476,395: Women like to talk about their feelings.
just keep scrolling nothing to see hear
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.
I wonder what the inventor of the drawing board said when his first design didn’t work out.
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?