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I don`t know what everyone`s complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents` basement.
Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it
Heard you like bad boys .... Well, I`m not trying to impress you or anything, but when Disney Channel asked me to go to their website with my parents permission, I didn`t ask my parents.
I`ll call it a smartphone the day I yell "Where`s my phone?" and it yells "Down here! In the couch cushions!"
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
The longest yard for me is that space between me and the nacho dip
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
Time travel means never having to say you`re sorry...
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why I fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again.
This movie has "adult content"? So, they`re gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?
Browsing the internet when bored is like the virtual version of checking the refrigerator...
The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.
Friends are like boobs. Some are real, some are fake