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Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now.
This is my Facebook status. There are many like it but this one is mine.
My wife thinks Iām at work. My boss thinks Iām home sick. These ducks think Iām awesome because I have the bread.
I would like to be a Disney Princess...You know, where I have random animals showing up to help with the housework!
Save the US Postal Service. Have the Jehovah Witness and Mormons deliver the mail.
It`s kind of weird that beams of electricity strike down from the sky and we`re all just okay with it.
I`m not saying your cat doesn`t care about you, I`m saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well.
Today is National Fritters Day. I don`t know what that means, so I just went naked today. Gotta be something like that.
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
I thinking about how im disgusted by holding a gas pump but yet, I have no problem drinking my beer from a cup that ten other people drank out of, and a backwash covered ping pong ball was just thrown into it after hitting a dirty a$$ garage floor??
It`s the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!
You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.
Sometimes in life you have to give the people around you a little push ... into traffic.
Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.