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Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
Pizza is my favorite winter activity
I had four E`s and LSD last night. Such an awful start to a game of scrabble!!
People always get offended when you call their baby ugly, but they never understand that they`ve offended you by showing you an ugly baby.
FACT: Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you’re brave enough.
does anyone know if smurfs are gluten free
I’m sorry I slapped you. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked.
I used to have a life. Then some idiot came along and said "Why don’t you make a Facebook account? It`s fun".
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
I saw Tom Hanks and asked for his autograph. He abbreviated it, and it just said "Thanks"
I hate when reality happens outside of my head.
I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I`m bored.
Tell a therapist, Not Facebook.