Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
People say "Happy Thanksgiving" which is nice, but then they ruin it by saying "Don`t eat too much". Do they want me to have a Happy Thanksgiving or not?
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics...So glad I found you all.
Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There`s like 10 women to each man and they`re already there looking for things they don`t need.
I think I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn’t mind driving a tractor around.
I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com
I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that`s a lot of weed.
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
The ideal man doesn`t smoke, doesn`t drink, doesn`t do drugs, doesn`t swear, doesn`t get angry, doesn`t exist
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
take it easy and if it is easy take it home
The future was so much cooler in the past.
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium