Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
Someone outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I feel like it would take longer than that...
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don`t they?
Every pizza is a personal pizza, if you try hard and believe in yourself.
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with "According to the prophecy."
Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone`s house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…
I just blew all my party money on bills again
Every conversation should come with a snooze button. That way if you`re being too boring, I can push a button and keep you from talking for the next 10 minutes.
My name is Fred and I`m a survivor. If you are out there..if anyone is out there. I can provide food/shelter..Anybody please....U are not alone....
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!:D
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!