Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Someone cut in front of me in the salad bar line today. I didn`t do anything because anyone who wants a salad that badly terrifies me.
May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
Somehow, we`ve got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
You know your phone can take pictures of other people too right? Just checking.
When I was a kid…no wait, I still do that.
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn´t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
If you ever disappeared while hiking, I’d remain with the search party at least until it started raining.
My only argument with using the treadmill, is that I can`t run away from my farts.
If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I`m trying to unlock it more than two times, I`m driving off without you.
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
Cleavage is like the sun. You can look, but don’t stare.. Unless you’re wearing sunglasses.
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
The Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
I’m not saying I need to manscape, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban.