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Just told the guy at the second drive-thru window that the guy at the first drive-thru window wants to fight him.
What idiot called it "best man" instead of "lord of the rings"
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
I hope your day is as nice as your butt.
Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like facebook in real life.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
Ordering a water with lemon says “I’m too cheap to buy a drink, but I still like a little zing.”
I`m the guy at the gym laying face down on the treadmill telling everyone "I`m ok, I`m ok"
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
i dont like ling distance relationships so i move the fridge to my room
My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5
Johnny : Pull my finger Tommy : No Johnny: "Come Bro Do IT!!" Tommy : fine ... Johnny : *SNEEZE IN THE FACE*
Irony is paying a therapist to listen to how you don’t like talking to other people.
They say you need to listen to what your body is telling you. But mine just points and laughs.
Calling your girlfriend beautiful because you forgot her name.