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We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
I`m 28 years old, but in marriage years, I`m dead on the inside.
Sometimes you can tell it’s going to be a bad day when someone you don’t like is smiling.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
When I said I missed you, I meant with a hammer.
I tried being modest once, as expected I was amazing at it.
Three words to ruin a woman`s ego. "I can`t tell."
Police officer: Ma`am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I`m just as confused as you are.
Ghetto wet floor sign: Caution Bitches Be Trippin
Apparently saying, "You mad, bro?" is frowned upon if you work in customer service.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead. It`s pain only for others. It`s the same thing when you are stupid.
I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the `Downward Dog` on top of another person.
Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation`s children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.
Microsoft Excel has got to be the worlds worst video game.