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I was about to read the story below. But it was too long.
I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now.
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
To drink, or not to drink?...what a stupid question!
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
When a movie says "Based on a true story." it means this is sort of what happened but with way uglier people.
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it`s not on Netflix.
You really can`t say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
All I ask for is a chance to prove money can`t make me happy.
Dear math, please stop asking us to find your x. She`s not coming back. And we don`t no y either.
What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
Car alarms should sound like two chicks in a fight. I`d look out the window for that.