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The hardest part about being rejected is that I end up liking them even more as a person for their ability to make great decisions.
The guy that thought of wrapping other food items in bacon deserves an award.
I FINALLY "friended" my girlfriend on Facebook.. You know.. So I could get updates on our relationship status.. :|
Snoring is just God`s way of ensuring women hate their husbands while they sleep too.
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting . . . I nearly couldn’t finish my sandwich.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I`m pretty sure that`s how I`m feeling today.
To all my friends who post Controversial, Obscene, Dirty, Offensive, and Derogatory posts, .. Keep that sh!t up. I like it....
Sometimes I mop the carpet just so my wife doesn`t ask me to help with stuff.
My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she`s died so I could get out of having to go somewhere
Well, it`s about that time of the day when I stop hitting the snooze button, wipe away the drool, open the blinds, and head on home from work.
It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.
I don`t even think it`s possible for a bear to cook porridge.
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.