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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
yo fellas how did that "wow" comment you left on that girls facebook picture play out
According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with "Go away."
The best part of waking up is.....wait, I didn`t think this through entirely.
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
My doctor said Iām healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
has a drinking problem...I can`t afford it
Subway only exists because we`re all too damn lazy to throw a sandwich together. "Could you lay meat on that bread for me? Here`s $8."
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch
Please be patient...I`m fcuking things up as fast as I can.