Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Save your little napkin, bartender. I don’t plan on having this drink long enough to set it down.
I`m all for the "going green" thing, but I just can`t bring myself to buy toilet paper that says, "100% Recycled."
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
Tyler on Facebook says he ran 1.7 miles this morning… So based on calculations, I have 35 minutes to ransack his house tomorrow morning.
This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that`s also the last time I`ll buy cheap toilet paper...
I wish my car was fueled by my lack of desire to go to work.
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
They say you need about 2000 calories a day. Ok, time to do math. 65 calories in one fluid ounce of Jack Daniel`s means i need 30 shots tonight.
You say I’m dirty minded, but how did you understand what I meant?
Reason number 347 why I hate Facebook: A guy from high school posted 11 new photos all with the caption "me"
I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you`re finished.
If I was a Chinese millionaire I would change my name to Cha Ching.
Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.