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Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
On a scale of Doopers, you`re pretty Super.
I have two feelings, it`s either "I`m hungry" or "I shouldn`t have eaten this much"
Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep, 9 if you`re ugly.
My new workout video is 20 minutes of me vacuuming over the same piece of string instead of picking it up.
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas...
There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no coffee. And without coffee, I`ll kill you all.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
Hate cleaning my floors...how fast would I go to hell if I got a blind roommate and replaced his cane with a swiffer?
You bring the friendship, I`ll bring the benefits.
Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
If I get a million likes on Facebook......not a damn thing will change.
You know a woman really loves you when she vandalizes your car after an argument.