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To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
I love the people in parking lots with "free kittens" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn`t be oppressed.
Care less and you’ll stress less.
Life would be more simple if the person who named the orange an orange would have named more things. ;) Just Sayin`
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
I just slammed hard on the brakes and found 3 lighters, $4.67 in change, condom box, empty flask, half an 1/8th, and a puppy.
Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.
My exercise routine needs to include a little more than opening difficult pistachios.
I don`t understand the saying "you snooze you lose"... I hit the snooze button 8 times this morning and feel like a champion.