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I look forward to the day that cell phone technology finally catches up with technology in digital watches and they release a model that is water resistant up to 100 meters.
Why don`t prison inmates just use liquid soap?
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm down.
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was "I bet a cupcake wouldn`t have done this to me."
I’m right 97% of the time…who cares about the other 4%.
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.
I`m tired of doing math. I guess I`ll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
Screw doing situps...teddy bears don`t and everyone loves them.
I live in fear that my death will somehow be connected to the opening of a pressurized Pillsbury cinnamon roll container.
When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m going to blast Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, while the zombies chase us, just to lighten the mood.
As long as I remind myself "The b!tch had it coming" is not a valid court defense, I`ll be ok
Do you think people will start blaming auto correct for there marriages breaking down?
You never outgrow sleepovers, they just become coed.