Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Turning your signal light on once you`ve already changed lanes is just about as useful as offering to help the old lady across the street AFTER she`s already been hit by a school bus full of screaming children. Just sayin`
I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
I heard an ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" But then, I can`t drive a bus..
I had a terrible dream about mufflers and now I`m exhausted.
Oh, I thought you were talking about napping. In that case no, I`m not good in bed.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
I don`t like country music, but I don`t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means `put down`.
Without the sanctity of marriage there wouldn`t be job security for divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.
Q.Teacher: why do we drink water? A. Learner : Because we cant eat it!
If I agreed with you we´d both be wrong.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness".
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator. Hahaha I’m so sorry. No I’m not.
If couples who are in love are called `love birds.` Then couples who always argue should be called `angry birds.`
Tarantulas are like cigarettes. They are pretty much harmless, until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.