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I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
If I go missing this holiday season and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at the gym.
I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
Do you ever notice that when you´re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
Tis the season to throw your diet out the window.
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
If you can’t celebrate Valentine’s Day with someone you love, celebrate it with alcohol and pizza.
Seriously, You accidentally catch six kitchen towels on fire and all of a sudden you can`t go in the kitchen alone anymore.
No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
I`m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
If you are offended by the words "In God We Trust" on your money, then send it to me. I don`t mind it at all.
Since everything is closed for Thanksgiving I’m going to drive around and park in all the good spots I never get.